Monday, December 24, 2007

12/24 troof

While NORAD *claims* they will be tracking "Santa Claus" tonight, those of us in know recognize deception when we see it. They are just playing their part in teh vast conspiracy to strip precious liberty from patriotic Americans. Any imbecile can also see the tie-in to other "flying objects" they refuse to track. Where are the special web pages for those?

Those of us in the know (who've read many, many internet truth sites) recognize a reverse-engineered top secret government vehicle made from recovered alien space debris when we see it. Geez. And c'mon, do they really expect us to buy this business about "elves"? Aliens, folks. Set the truth free!

It's plain to anyone that Santa is really a CIA agent, flying his ultra-advanced spacecraft around the world and dropping into people's homes to leave snooping devices.

Oh, and does no one else see the obvious weirdness of him living at the "North Pole" whilst global warming melts the icecaps and kills all the cuddly polar bears and penguins? Even the clueless sheeple robots who take their marching orders from Rush Limbo should be capable of seeing that.

But that's not all. According to former intelligence professionals speaking under condition of anonymity due to fear for their lives, Dick Cheney actually hijacked this Santa myth (which everyone knows is just a pagan tradition anyway) in 2000 to give cover to the secret government EMP pulse weather weapon program, which is intentionally speeding up global warming so Halliburton can get mineral rights under the the icecap.

So, believe NORAD's disinformation tonight if you want. But just remember, one day 12/24 truth will be told and you'll feel like a moran.

Merry Christmas!


Tuesday, December 4, 2007

DSL blues

My mother used to work for Southern Bell years ago. Like back in the 50s (don't worry Mom, I'm not fingering you). Actually Mom doesn't even read this blog, she knows better. Anyway, Bell was a large, rigid bureaucracy back then. Just recently they became a part of AT&T but sadly the story hasn't changed much. They are still "the phone company".

The past two nights my DSL has been either nonexistent or slow. Being the computer addict I am, slovenly wasting away in front of the screen for hours, I've had no choice but to spend time attempting to contact the phone company's DSL department to ascertain the nature of the problem. Most of those precious minutes were spent listening to various and sundry robots, automatons or people from Bangladesh, all seemingly involved in a conspiracy to keep me from learning anything remotely associated with my problem.

The automatons are the evilest of all, asking questions in a phone company syrupy pretend voice, then pretending they can't understand the word "no", then connecting me to a pretend extension for repair that automatically hangs up. Every single time. They must be in there watching "I robot" and laughing at me.

Finally fed up, tonight I decided the best way to defeat the evil bots was to completely ignore them. Nothing makes the automatons madder than when a human dummies up (pun intended), but it works! I was transferred to a human customer service agent who spoke relatively good southern English and told me AT&T was having some "network problems" and that I should unhook my modem, plug it back in, reboot the PC then gandy dance around the living room in a circle, naked, chanting "tracuna, lahoydes, decorem, sadistee". Or thereabouts. Wonder if they can see us at home?

The funny thing is at the beginning of each call a recording says, "this call may be monitored or recorded for quality control purposes", yet most of last night and today was spent talking to inanimate machines. Will the robots really get chewed out for hanging up on me five times? I'm not believin' it.